Greetings!
This week's quote comes from A Course In Miracles" It reads:
I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
[As you read today's blog I invite you to play the song below as inspiration.]
We never know when Spirit is going to reach out and touch our soul. Sometimes it's with the loving words of a friend or teacher. Other times we are inspired by written words on the page. For me I'm most often surprised by Spirit's touch through music.
Yesterday as I scampered about doing Saturday errands, Luther Vandross's "Dance with my Father Again" came forth on my car stereo. I found myself pulling over and
"just listening". Why this song? Why is it touching me so now - I've heard it over a thousand times. Why today? I heard myself say allowed: "It's Mother's Day after all." Then I remembered Mother's Day is May 9th. May 9th is also my Father's Birthday.
From time to time Mother's Day falls on his birthday and when it does I become particularly thankful for the gifts both of my parents gave to me. You see I never lived with my Father. After being married to my mother for over twenty years - he'd had enough. Not enough of her or our family - but enough of not knowing who he was. I'm sure he would have left sooner, but then - surprise - I came along.
My brother, while not even 12-years-old, took up the role of surrogate father for me. He did an admirable job of it. When he was old enough to drive our car trips were to visit "our" father. I adored this man that he called our dad. He was kind, compassionate, funny and very engaging. When you were in his company he made you feel welcomed and appreciated.
I didn't understand what happened between my Mother and Father. As a little boy I would stand outside her bedroom door and hear her sobbing for him. I couldn't reconcile how that nice guy, that I had met on these trips with my brother, could have hurt her so badly. My brother went away to college and my Father moved to Florida. For the most part my Father was not present in my life. Life went on - but from time to time I would dream of him - those early days and him holding me as we'd dance around in his living room. I didn't know why he didn't love her anymore, but I was certain as to why she loved him.
2010 is the twenty-fifth anniversary of my ordination as a Religious Science Minister. During that time the most inspirational moment came when I had the the opportunity to speak at my Father's funeral. I didn't know what to say. I prayed, wrote, and pondered. I kept asking Spirit to guide me. I was inspired to use the title "The Gifts of My Father".
What gifts? The gifts from a man that I probably never saw more than 20 times in my entire life? Then today's quote was the quote I had read the morning of his funeral. "I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me."
As I took the podium and looked out to the friends and family before me - it was all revealed. They were the gifts of my Father. Without my father I would have never known the love of my brother; my brother's family and their families. Without the gift of life given to me by my father, I would not have known the love of my mother. I would have never have known the love of my friends, and those that I've shared this incredible spiritual journey with. My God, but the gifts of my father were magnicient. Ah to dance with this man once again.
The gifts my parents are tremendous. From my Father I have my sense of humor, my ability to be engaging, compassionate and passionate. From my Mother I have received the gifts of loving, self respect, loyalty, and a willingness to go for it. So today, this day of May 9th that honors each of them; I trust that since they've both made their transition, that now their spirits have reconciled and she has had the opportunity to dance with my Father once again.
Today I give thanks for a wonderfully magnificent life. I know that I was sent by Him, but I'm forever thankful that it was "through them" that I came to be.
Thank you Mother and Dad. - Rev. Jack
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Words That Leave An Impress On Our Psyche
Happy Saturday!
“Mother’s just so disappointed.”
To a five year old – these can be wounding words. Especially if that five year old (me) had worked really hard to put every toy away, to have made my bed and dress myself for my first day of school.
What was my egregious error? I had put on the same shirt that I had worn the day before.
That was the first time I remember the words “Mother’s just so disappointed” being laid upon me; making an “impress” on my psyche. For whatever reason – her tool for coaching was to emphasize her disappointment.
I remember getting my first report card that had actual letter grades posted on it. I had gotten all “A’s” and “B”’s I was so proud! Proud enough to run all the way home to show her – and everyone else along the way! Mr. McCoy at the corner market proclaimed “Great Job Jack!” as he swept the leaves from the front of his store. Mrs. Husdon was walking her little Jack Russell Terrier and she patted me on the head and said “Your mama is going to be so proud”.
“Mother!” I shouted breathlessly from the back entryway into the kitchen where she was working. “ I’m home and here’s my report card.” You’re going to be so happy! Even Mr. McCoy and Mrs. Hudson said I had done – really well!” As soon as I said those words the arms that had reached out to hug me suddenly dropped to her side.
“You showed your report card to everyone else before you showed it to me? Mother’s just so disappointed. “ The impress was made even deeper. Sensing her error, she rallied around and even told me that she was proud – but the moment was lost for me.
For my mom – “stressing her disappointment” was her ultimate parental trump card. It may have served her needs – giving her the opportunity to put in the correction whenever she felt it was appropriate. But for me it created such a impress - I felt as if my psyche had an expressway running through it. The “I’m not worthy” Impress Expressway.
Throughout my academic endeavors, professional career and even my volunteer and scared service giving, I always anticipated the words….”great job Jack – but we’re disappointed that…” “Great term paper Jack, but were disappointed that you didn’t catch these typos, so we’re going to have to give you a “B” not an “A”.
“Great Power Point presentation on your recruitment project Jack, but we’re disappointed that you didn’t include the results from last year so we could have done a comparison.” “Great sermon Rev. Jack, but I’m disappointed that you didn’t have my daughter sing before the offering rather than afterwards. Her song would have been more impactful.”
Every time I hear such words my inter being – my very Spirit – recalls those first words spoken on that first day of school nearly fifty years ago. “Mother’s just so disappointed.” It’s as if she’s saying: No matter how hard you try – you just can’t get it right.” Thus making the Impress Expressway and bit wider, longer and even in some places a two tiered freeway.
What’s different today? Today I throw up a road block. I call it the Rev. Andriette “Tain’t so” road block. In fact my “Impress Expressway” is filled with those “Taint so” road blocks. Some parts have been torn down completely. “Taint so” reminds me of what I learn a long time again when I started to study metaphysics.
The first metaphysical words I ever paid attention to where “What You Think of Me – Is None of My Business”. It was the title of Rev. Terry Cole-Whittaker’s first book. It was if she had written the book just for me.
The book taught me two things that I’ve carried all my life. First, it’s what I think of myself that matters most. What others say – matters more to them than it ever will to me – and I will never fully know why they said – what they said – and it is a waste of my time to try to figure it out.
Secondly, when others speak - my job is to listen, and ask myself (silently and prayerfully) “Spirit does any of this serve me? What is the “Truth” within their words that I need to hear?”
Today if someone chooses to “put in the correction” and begins to tell me “how it should be” or they commence to tell me how disappointed they are in me” I affirm silently to myself “Taint so.” By doing so it allows me to say with a smile. “Ah thank you for sharing that with me. I know it was important to you to say this.” And then I politely walk away trusting that if Spirit did have a truth for me to hear, I would hear it and incorporate it into my psyche where it would manifest into good. As so it is! Rev. Jack
“Mother’s just so disappointed.”
To a five year old – these can be wounding words. Especially if that five year old (me) had worked really hard to put every toy away, to have made my bed and dress myself for my first day of school.
What was my egregious error? I had put on the same shirt that I had worn the day before.
That was the first time I remember the words “Mother’s just so disappointed” being laid upon me; making an “impress” on my psyche. For whatever reason – her tool for coaching was to emphasize her disappointment.
I remember getting my first report card that had actual letter grades posted on it. I had gotten all “A’s” and “B”’s I was so proud! Proud enough to run all the way home to show her – and everyone else along the way! Mr. McCoy at the corner market proclaimed “Great Job Jack!” as he swept the leaves from the front of his store. Mrs. Husdon was walking her little Jack Russell Terrier and she patted me on the head and said “Your mama is going to be so proud”.
“Mother!” I shouted breathlessly from the back entryway into the kitchen where she was working. “ I’m home and here’s my report card.” You’re going to be so happy! Even Mr. McCoy and Mrs. Hudson said I had done – really well!” As soon as I said those words the arms that had reached out to hug me suddenly dropped to her side.
“You showed your report card to everyone else before you showed it to me? Mother’s just so disappointed. “ The impress was made even deeper. Sensing her error, she rallied around and even told me that she was proud – but the moment was lost for me.
For my mom – “stressing her disappointment” was her ultimate parental trump card. It may have served her needs – giving her the opportunity to put in the correction whenever she felt it was appropriate. But for me it created such a impress - I felt as if my psyche had an expressway running through it. The “I’m not worthy” Impress Expressway.
Throughout my academic endeavors, professional career and even my volunteer and scared service giving, I always anticipated the words….”great job Jack – but we’re disappointed that…” “Great term paper Jack, but were disappointed that you didn’t catch these typos, so we’re going to have to give you a “B” not an “A”.
“Great Power Point presentation on your recruitment project Jack, but we’re disappointed that you didn’t include the results from last year so we could have done a comparison.” “Great sermon Rev. Jack, but I’m disappointed that you didn’t have my daughter sing before the offering rather than afterwards. Her song would have been more impactful.”
Every time I hear such words my inter being – my very Spirit – recalls those first words spoken on that first day of school nearly fifty years ago. “Mother’s just so disappointed.” It’s as if she’s saying: No matter how hard you try – you just can’t get it right.” Thus making the Impress Expressway and bit wider, longer and even in some places a two tiered freeway.
What’s different today? Today I throw up a road block. I call it the Rev. Andriette “Tain’t so” road block. In fact my “Impress Expressway” is filled with those “Taint so” road blocks. Some parts have been torn down completely. “Taint so” reminds me of what I learn a long time again when I started to study metaphysics.
The first metaphysical words I ever paid attention to where “What You Think of Me – Is None of My Business”. It was the title of Rev. Terry Cole-Whittaker’s first book. It was if she had written the book just for me.
The book taught me two things that I’ve carried all my life. First, it’s what I think of myself that matters most. What others say – matters more to them than it ever will to me – and I will never fully know why they said – what they said – and it is a waste of my time to try to figure it out.
Secondly, when others speak - my job is to listen, and ask myself (silently and prayerfully) “Spirit does any of this serve me? What is the “Truth” within their words that I need to hear?”
Today if someone chooses to “put in the correction” and begins to tell me “how it should be” or they commence to tell me how disappointed they are in me” I affirm silently to myself “Taint so.” By doing so it allows me to say with a smile. “Ah thank you for sharing that with me. I know it was important to you to say this.” And then I politely walk away trusting that if Spirit did have a truth for me to hear, I would hear it and incorporate it into my psyche where it would manifest into good. As so it is! Rev. Jack
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