We all know that everyone procrastinates from time to time. However, in a recent article in “Psychology Today”, I read that nearly 20 percent of us are true procrastinators; which mean we consistently avoid difficult tasks and deliberately look for distractions, such as eating food, preparing food, or planning our next meal, as a diversion to bigger issues.
Psychologists suggest that procrastination most likely reflects our difficulty in regulating emotions. Like many procrastinators I often say I perform better under pressure, but according to Psychology Today, that's just one of many lies that I tell myself. As I travel this journey toward my goal for losing 107 pounds, I find my awareness of how I “do Jack” reveals even deeper issues for me to address. When I read the article on Procrastination, I heard Spirit whispering to me: “That’s you.”
I know that this is true for me and now I’m exploring why. Here’s what I’ve discovered.
There is an adrenaline rush for accomplishing something at the last minute. When I was in High School, I remember how good it felt to write a 500 word essay 30 minutes before class - even when I had an entire week to do the assignment.
I knew I could do it. I just couldn’t seem to get started. I can remember getting distracted by watching a movie on TV, talking to my best friend, and yes, eating. I’d go to bed each night feeling guilty about my procrastination for not doing my homework. I would comfort myself by eating a salty snack and hide out in my bedroom engrossed in sedentary activities such as watching even more TV, or lying in bed reading.
I would have six days of anxiety and one day of an adrenaline high. Which was more significant?
When I would awaken at 6:00 a.m. and write the essay in one draft, I would celebrate by having three pieces of toast lathered in butter instead of two. However I would also have eaten a bag of chips the night before staring at the TV to comfort myself for being lazy and not doing my homework - hiding from my friends and family. I frequently received an “A” or a “B” for my essay, so it wasn’t about my “ability” – it was about my behavior.
This behavior has played out over my entire life.
What began in High School still is a pattern I execute today. I still procrastinate doing, what I know needs to be done and what I’m quite capable of doing, until the very last minute. I still eat to comfort the anxiety and celebrate the victory. Today, when I’m acknowledged for pulling something great off at the last minute, it feels good to hear the praise; but I also hear myself saying: “Oh, if they only knew how much better this could have been, had I done it a week ago.” Even though it’s a win, I still feel inside my soul that the victory merely covered up the failure. To comfort myself, I’d hit the drive through on the way home – while no one was looking or with me.
Today, I claim this condition as being healed. I no longer choose procrastination as my co-dependent trigger to use food to comfort either my anxiety or to celebrate my victories.
It is possible to overcome procrastination—with effort and determination I keep my attention on my intention and do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and I celebrate this accomplishment with nourishing Spirit filled praise. – Rev. Jack
